Today it was proposed to me that I enter a call to myself mission and put a few of my loose ends into the spotlight and find a workable model that will serve to enhance me and my life’s journey.
“T.I.L.Y.B” an acronym given to me by my fellow ‘sista scripta’s’ an acronym that I will reveal its meaning and the outcome of its 7 days of learned experiences to in a weeks time.
My ‘sista scripta’s’ have become my unofficial accountability partners… they call me on my bullshit, they call me out on my days of lack of self acceptance… all with love, care and genuine concern to give.
To my Sista Scripta’s…
Let the journey to accountability, self discovery and self acceptance begin.
Day #2
In celebration of my “T.I.L.Y.B” call to self mission a searched for a writing that had me defined in a well written verse.
I wrote for hours today; written verses about myself… describing me and standing to the world but nothing I wrote seemed to say all there was to say… so I searched my saved memes… words written by other authors – written memes and verses a plenty and many seemed to have me in the winds of their words when describing me and my ways to a tea.
I chose a writing by author Jennifer Sebits – An Author who writes for
“The Minds Journal”… this is her worded meme that has become a daily verbal moment that I celebrate secretly with in my mind.
Here I am… standing my ground
Not running away. Not making excuses.
Not giving up on hope or faith.
Not forcing anything.
I’m waiting patiently to see
How it’s all going to play out
When push does finally come to shove.
Waiting to see who’s meant to be
And who’s not.
Not to be out done by the spoken words of another writer soulful words I share with you a little something that I wrote sometime ago that I think sums up me…
I once was a person
who stood tall in the face of an argument.
I would stand on that very ground
That offered me nothing more
Than the even ground I stood on.
& either stand my ground
Till the cows come home; or till the other party walked away.
I would stand my ground; loud and proud
Mouthy, raw & full of my own conviction
But to I refuse to stand on that same ground
& defend myself in either in my now life or my past
I stand in silent defiance to arguments built on ignorance & contradictions to spoken lies & untold truths.
Written By Tanya Kelly. 2017
Through this personal journey of writing about me & about how as a person I have healed myself and continue to heal myself so that I could make room in my world, in my heart, in my mind and most importantly within myself to bring about the changes that will work with me in order to bring myself into my happier self.
I will not go as far as allowing myself to blame others for the rough spots that have plagued my life, I own my share in my unhappiness & am more than ready to continue rebuilding myself into the person that I know exists in me.
I have known hardship. I have lost myself. But here I stand, still moving forward, growing stronger each day. I will never forget the harsh lessons in my life. They made me stronger.
I know now that I am ready for me to love me… farewell to the days that I have said tomorrow is another day… I am so ready for that someday of building and wanting the changes in my day to be today.
In a quote written by
Heidi Delliare – LoveWideOpen.com
I sit in agreement with her pictured quote that goes like this: –
You have to heal
Your own heart
And then
The right
things will come
Into your life.
What this pictured quote says to me is this: –
in order for my heart
To enter its amended state
I must at first
Own my wows
My heart aches
And uncloak my inner struggles
And let them finally be seen
Own them
And be allowing of me so proud of their journey
Bringing me forth to the me
That is free of the struggles that weigh
Ever so heavily upon me.
Freeing me from my hearts hurt
Delivering me to the changes in my life
That Will shortly after follow.
I know that in the past few weeks that I have been writing a fair bit about me, my inner child, my inner hurts, my inner pains, my memories, my life events, the people that surround me…
Before I started writing full time again back in January I was already aware of the benefits of writing things down. I knew that by writing letters and owning my thoughts that I would be free of my burdens someday.
I knew that the letters and the thoughts that flowed through me; were the very Barriers that held me back. I knew that I was becoming isolated within and by myself and I knew that if something didn’t change and soon that I would become a made-up version of myself.
I was very much in the know that I had become closed off and in need of something or something’s to change.
Things were piling up in my mind & the stress was starting to show… so I thought hell why not go back to the one thing I knew that I could do (write) and mix it with my counselling skills and practices… I sat to begin my writing therapy and have learned that my inner demons were demanding an identity and their story was yelling to be told.
I am not saying that I have pulled out of my writing therapy without opening wounds that I wasn’t in the know of their existence … I knew that I would at some point feel flat and exhausted by the experience but I knew oh too well that my road wasn’t going to be an easy one and I knew that the very part of me that I thought I had forever hidden and forever vanished to be ignored would eventually surface.
In process of the issues in me surfacing I knew that I would face my darkness the barriers buried deep within me that would someday help me to heal my heart.
I am living and breathing and I am by no means free of my demons; but I am free of the hurting heartache that prevents me from being me.
I am not cured but I am finally free to be me and as open as I can be.
There is a song that sums up my journey of me becoming me… the happier me… the guarded me who knows that I was ready to fight for me and the very ideals that work to make me strong, healing me from my inside out.
This song’s title is the (“Fight Song – By Rachel Platten)
On the ocean
Sending big waves
Into motion
Like how a single word
Can make a heart open
I might only have one match
But I can make an explosion
Wrecking balls inside my brain
I will scream them loud tonight
Can you hear my voice this time?
Take back my life song
Prove I’m alright song
My power’s turned on
Starting right now I’ll be strong
I’ll play my fight song
And I don’t really care if nobody else believes
‘Cause I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me
Everybody’s worried about me
In too deep
Say I’m in too deep (in too deep)
And it’s been two years I miss my home
But there’s a fire burning in my bones
Still believe
Yeah, I still believe
Wrecking balls inside my brain
I will scream them loud tonight
Can you hear my voice this time?
Take back my life song
Prove I’m alright song
My power’s turned on
Starting right now I’ll be strong
I’ll play my fight song
And I don’t really care if nobody else believes
‘Cause I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me
On the ocean
Sending big waves
Into motion
Like how a single word
Can make a heart open
I might only have one match
But I can make an explosion
Take back my life song
Prove I’m alright song
My power’s turned on
Starting right now I’ll be strong (I’ll be strong)
I’ll play my fight song
And I don’t really care if nobody else believes
‘Cause I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me
This song reminds me of my strength and metamorphosis into the person that I am intended to be. Flaws and All
There it is day #2 of my “T.I.L.Y.B – I Am Learning To Know Myself – “Call To Myself Mission”
Signed
Author. Tanya Kelly
365daysomethings.wordpress.com
365 Day Somethings 
Welcome back Tanya. Love you much.
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appreciative of you being here and in my life xx
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