”Breaking My Pride – Evelyn Fonsec

Breaking My Pride – July Faith Journal Prompts
Reference – https://www.thescribesportion.com/july-journal-prompts-pride/

I came across the referenced link titled ”Breaking My Pride – Authored By Evelyn Fonsec when I was doing some research for my daily blogging writes. From time to time I seek a written prompts that have been written by a fellow author.

I have for the last few weeks been feeling a little off in my daily writings… so from time to time, I call upon a save Pinterest posts that see me through the days when my writing energy’s and or thoughts are just not wanting to be called on or written about.

I often look for Pinterest posts that offer up a varying degree of questions… I like that the prompts or thoughts that I choose to write about give me a deeper look into my self & the inner parts of my inner thoughts…

As for Evelyn’s pinterest prompts I like the no outs of her questions and how she evokes a deeply personal thought in my response to her questions rather than having me sit wondering what I was going to write about in a daily write.

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So here is a prompt authored by Evelyn Fonsec’s from her Pinterest Post ”Breaking My Pride” of which I offer up my answer to.

• How Much Do I Struggle With Pride?
  
  Well in a self-critical moment I have put myself on the spot and delve into my insecurities… So here am I asking the question ”How Much Do I Struggle With Pride?”  Well, I am very much a self-driven person and hold a great deal of inner self-pride within and for myself… I have always been a person who has gone through things alone rather than taking up offers of help or companionship… I have on and off throughout the years tried to offer myself to people in my own self’s right-minded kind of way… I have never been one to trust easy and my pride is my reason as well as it is my self shelter… There is much time when I have chosen to remain self-contained and closely guarded and for that matter, I have also chosen when I allow myself to feel encircled by others 7 this is one thing I am not all to proud to admit to… but there are many little quirks about me that may not at all be endearing to others for these reasons and or quirks I feel that there are times when people have and do put me into the too hard basket… These reasons also seem to make me look as though I am to outwardly proud to have others bestow things, time or moments of compliments upon me. 

  Below are just a few of my inner pride tendency’s… 

  • I find it hard and almost embarrassing for someone give me gifts that mean a lot to me
  • I am always grateful for the offerings that other people offer up to me, but I find that saying thank you make me feel very open and vulnerable.
  • I try very hard not to put myself into the position where I have to say thank you to some for doing admirable things for me… I always find myself questioning then persons motives and reasons for doing things that they may do honour for me.
  • Sorry is a hard word for me to say… However when and if I find that the word sorry has to be said I am at all times honourable and meaning in my deliverance. I admit that I rarely put myself in the position of finding my self in the position to say sorry.. this may sound self conceited but sorry isn’t a word that I like to use because I at all times strive to be the most honest person that I can be.
  • more than anything else I absolutely hate being raw and vulnerable to people… Especially to those who I feel have a very deep place in my heart.. I am so very very scared of being hurt by the actions of others using what is me and my true self against me.
  • I feel so very strongly about the relationships and friendships that I hold for those who I chose to be around that I spend a great deal of time in getting to know them and their ins and outs before I actually can openly admit that I truly trust them.
  • I am always honest with people and am very much aware of how intimidating my honesty and truth riddled ways can and does at times makes others feel uncomfortable or that I myself make myself hard to get know.
  • I have many levels of friendships and it is true that I allow very few into my inner circle… I also admit that some of longest known friends are still in be known to them are still very much exist in my utter circle due to lack of trust, or even some of them rarely show their degree of loyalty to me… This could be over something as simple as watching me from the outside when they could very much be helping and standing by me in my troubled times.
  • I may act as though I am tough and hard to like, to get to know, or even in getting to love but the truth is that this is one of my self preservation modes… I rather be hard on the outta exterior of myself and allow room for others to climb over my tightly enclosed walls.
  • I’m a giver and give way to much… I love to share with others the things that I love.
  • I take forever to learn to love and for that matter to like others… But when I do love and like some one love and love hard with all that I am… Love of a mate or a friendship is a forever thing for me. 

I may never break the ”Breaking Me Pride” that makes up me… I am not ashamed to admit that the above things that I have shared, they are just a few of ingredients that have helped in making me into the person that I am.

I have always been told that I am and act way to proud; that I hold myself way to tight and way to within my outer bounds… I have over the last year worked very hard on not listening or taking into myself the word’s and thoughts of others… But there is indeed a major part of me that does indeed listen to others…why do I listen…? Because I pride myself on listening to the people that I am in communication with… And for those people who I see as part if my tomorrow’s future, I offer them my personal respect in hearing them both verbally and none verbally… But. Am aware that I do have at time a lack of filter when it come to the parts of a conversation that is used in a detrimental way to about or against me…

Another of my fault lines is that I need to learn to put time into hearing about  me and my own life’s endeavours within my own hearts words and not in and around the words of others. What “Breaking My Pride” means to me is, me stopping the internalisation of things that people say to or about me… Learning to filter the negative aspects of what keeps me sitting down at a table with people who offer me little layer acceptance to whom it is that I am… My pride is indeed the mechanical part of me that keeps me locked into the cycle of not allowing my pride to say ”this isn’t respectful to me and or to the way that I feel; that I have the right to be treated as I would like to be treated”… My pride keeps me from truly being the very person that I am…I hide myself deep within myself… Far deeper than many are willing to delve into… And then pride part of me is ok with the level of sacrifice and international behaviours that others have to and for me.

I will now say this.. My pride is the very thing that keeps me upright.. Balanced… Self assured and feeling safe in my own convictions… Stubbornly this is the part of me that I won’t ever change or renege on… Remaining who I am is very important to me… The above is part of my integral makeup as well as these ingredients are the mechanical mechanisms that drive me and my inner self-pride parts of me to be the person that I am in my today ’s here and now… these “Breaking My Pride” convictions will  drive me to remain the very person that I am in my todays and the very person that I will become in my many tomorrows.

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Breaking My Pride… I will never be completely comfortable in learning to break my pride…  I like my level of “pride” it is who I am after all.

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Daily Quote
Disciplining yourself to do what you know is right and important, although difficult, is the highroad to pride, self-esteem, and personal satisfaction.

Author. Margaret Thatcher

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Signed
Author. Tanya Kelly
365daysomethings.wordpress.com