“Relationship’s Matter”

Not everyone gets the same version of me
One person may tell you
That I am an amazing beautiful soul.
Another person may tell you
That I am cold hearted.
Believe them both
For I act accordingly.

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I am not 100% certain of where I found the above written quote, I copied it down into my notebook without referencing where it came from (so not like me) but where ever it cane from; it comes with a message that is truly unique to our individual needs. I have since found this written quote on TheMindsJournal website…

What this written quote says about me is that I am not the same person to everyone… that there is a small part of me that is able to exist in a whole different personality then the one that others usually meet & see.

This by no means doesn’t mean that I am not being my true self at all times… it simply means that some people have a way of ruffling my feathers and the nice, happy, kind and the do anything for anyone side of me gets tired of being pushed to the ground… the result of this usually results in my personality altering itself and its perceptions of people… a fight and flight mode erupts in me and I end up choosing that done people are just not the people that I want in my circle or around me for any reason.

If I had to choose a symbol that represents my friendships and relationships that I set to make or have made with others it would be that of an onion… there are many layers to an onion and just like an onion there are many layers to being known as a friend to me… I admit that I may not be as accepting or as open to making friends as some other people maybe… I make no apologies for my own selves self preservation mode that always has my back…

Being friends with someone is a very personal adventure… I take on all my friendships and or relationships in a very personal manner… it may take me sometime to make trusting and long lasting relationships with others but once I have I hold onto them for life.

There is no sugar coating how it is that I feel for others and there certainly is no time for glazing over the responsibilities that my inner self has in keeping me from the making connections with people that in the long run do not serve the needs of not only myself but also the person/s on the other end.

As  written by Mark Manson in his post titled “Every Successful Relationship Is Successful For The Same Exact Reasons”
(copied & written both in and out of context of Mark’s wording)

Communication, no matter how open, transparent and disciplined, will always break down at some point. Conflicts are ultimately unavoidable, and feelings will always be hurt. The only thing that can save a relationship & or friendship is unerring respect for one another… thus is the case for any relationship… relationship or another status of connection.

Without that bedrock of respect underneath you, you will doubt each other’s intentions. You will judge their choices and encroach on their independence. You will feel the need to hide things from one another for fear of criticism. And this is when the cracks in the edifice begin to appear.

I consider myself to choosy no picky when it comes to making friends… I believe that some people were meant to cross paths… some people were meant to come into our lives… they start off as strangers and end up becoming our world, our tribe, our people and others are just bridges in the journey of our life they are a means to an end… a pathway to our next adventure and or destination… I maybe choosy in what relationships & connections that I to form with others, but this is because I respect myself enough to hold on long enough to have the people around me that work within my needs and scope of things to fulfil me and moral standings.

I admittedly always enter a relationship with trepidation, I try so very hard to leave my need for interaction and connection at the door of the opening to my soul… I am probably to much in the know of what my soul needs in a friendship and or a relationship and this is where I personally falter…  I always walk quietly and silently, sitting in on conversations
where I quietly sit listen & observe the interactions and conversations of those in the room…

Then there comes a time when I feel comfortable enough to move on into the  building blocks of my connections & I am ever so aware that I am guilty of putting myself online in the hope that my wants and needs of and for a relationship are met… I am also guilty of being so bloody honest (both a blessing and a curse)… I often tell people of my expectations, my wants and my needs “in face value; I can see how this can be seen as intimidating and in your face.” I with most probability come across as being to head strong, to wanting… and I am most definitely guilty of carrying a check sheet of what I want in my connections with others… guilty guilty guilty !

In the end what friendships, relationships and those momentary connections do for us is that they give us different perspectives and chances to learn difference and tolerances that teach us how we want to be treated and how we when all is said and done go through our lives treating others.

Simply putting it… Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there. They are meant to serve some sort of purpose, to teach you a lesson, or to help you figure out who you are and who you want to become & on the other side of the flipped coin we often know within ourselves who isn’t meant to be in our lives… sometimes we convince ourselves that someone is meant to be there when they actually serve no purpose at all… sometimes out of guilt, pity or reluctance to move on we keep what is known and comfortable to us out of fear of change or the fear of the unknown. Every person has something to teach us… whether a person stays in our lives for an hour, a day or 10 years.. they are the right amount of time for you. Simply all relationships & friendships have a life span… time us the only unknown factor to expiration date of those we connect & relate to. 

Time is a perspective of numbers… & people are with us for as little time or as long of a time that our inner selves learn the lessons that they come bundled with.

“If you find yourself in my friendship circle then you have proven to me that you come with the same things that I need and want in my own life… & you have also proven that you are
in for the long haul or that you come with the lessons that will guide us both to where we need to be. I never come into any of my connections with others in a one way circle… I give a lot of myself in my willingness to learn & be taught how I want to e treated and in how others wish to be treated in return.

Friendships & relationships are not just a destination for me… I always cone on board the friendship & relationship train with long jeopardy in my heart, mind & soul… I don’t expect the same level of connection from those around me… but I hope that other people understand that when I no longer feel that my friendship and relationship status is being served; that it is then that I must move on…

As  written by Mark Manson in his post titled “Every Successful Relationship Is Successful For The Same Exact Reasons” 

Shitty, co-dependent relationships have an inherent stability because you’re both locked in an implicit bargain to tolerate the other person’s bad behaviour because they’re tolerating yours, and neither of you wants to be alone. On the surface, it seems like “compromising in relationships because that’s what people do,” but the reality is that resentments build up, and both parties become the other person’s emotional hostage -Author Karen-

For many of us, our friends are an extended family — and family can be hard work. But I think it’s worth remembering that we have as much control over the people we socialize with as the people we date, and thinking of each individual friendship as its own love story can help us evaluate our own needs and behaviours. That might entail discovering friendships that have passed their expiration date, but it can also mean renewing our appreciation and affection for the ones that haven’t.

“Friendship is everything. Friendship is more than talent. It is more than the government. It is almost the equal of family.- Don Corleone”

Who ever said that making friendships, relationship & connections with others was easy… certainly hasn’t been through the mill of connectedness and bust ups with others. In the end what matters is how we serve our own personal and interpersonal needs and how we hold ourselves both morally and judgementally in all that we seek to gain and receive from others. 

“The fact is relationships are imperfect, messy affairs. And it’s for the simple reason that they’re comprised of imperfect, messy people—people who want different things at different times. Mark Manson in his post titled “Every Successful Relationship Is Successful For The
Same Exact Reasons” 

When all is said & done relationships, friendship and connectedness with others are hard work but they are also worth the time in putting your best self and efforts into building & maintaining their fragile inner and outer cores.

Friendships, Relationships & Connections are all about Nature & Nurture. Nature is learning the skills & art of maintaining a Friendship, A Relationships or Connections with others… & Nature is harnessing the gits that our Friendships, Relationships & Connections give us, giving us time to grow and change in our wants and expectations of others as time passes by in our relationships with others.”

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Signed
Author. Tanya Kelly
365daysomethings.wordpress.com