I was just this week reading through a few of my written pieces and came across the following piece that I wrote way back in November last year…. I think this piece was written when I was looking for myself in my own stagnated world…. what a difference a year makes hey!
Today’s written pictured quotes writing writes – a place from which one’s strength is drawn, where one feels at home; the place where you are your most authentic self.
Reference – https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Querencia
In English, querencia means to be safe, but in Spanish querencia is a metaphysical concept in the Spanish language, querencia means to haunt somebody in Spanish i.e. in bullfighting, a bull may stake out his querencia, a certain part of the bullring where he feels strong and safe.
Ernest Hemingway’s 1932 nonfiction book Death in the Afternoon describes the querencia in this context: a querencia is a place the bull naturally wants to go to in the ring, a preferred locality… It is a place which develops in the course of the fight where the bull makes his home. It does not usually show at once but develops in his brain as the fight goes on. In this place he feels that he has his back against the wall and in his querencia, he is inestimably more dangerous and almost impossible to kill.
I have spent many years inside my mind looking for a place where I unconditionally belong… by unconditionally belong I mean “without having to consider the thoughts and feelings of others in my daily to-do list.”
Some days are so frustrating for me and my headspace; that even a simple conversation can turn into a verbal moment that often ends in a backhanded conversation that has me hearing that I am being demanding or self-conceited in my wants… at times conversations like this have led me to hear that I am also lazy towards getting my own wants… expecting others to serve my needs and wants.
So in the journey of my life, I have sort the very “Querencia” the place that I can go to, the place that I am safe, the place that I can call home. What is home to me? A calming place with no external judgements… no conversation that points out what part of my today’s to do list did I actually get done. A place where acceptance is not sort and judgement is not passed.
“Querencia” is my life’s need… sometimes I feel like an invisible, a somebody living in a world of many others who never truly hear or see me…. at other times I feel as though I am that necessary evil, the go-to person, the person who everyone turns to in their times of need… not necessarily invisible but certainly pulled in any way to invested (either willingly or out of loyalty and relationship connectedness) into the lives of others.
I love doing what it is that I do others, but sometimes I feel that my giving is on a one-way street to nowhere…. will my feelings and thoughts sway me away from being who I am to others… mmmm NOPE!! – call me a sucker for punishment, but I am who I am… My personal struggles with how I feel & how it is that I am seen by others is just that… personal and my view.
The way I am treated or seen by people does not take away the helping hand that hold out and stand in weight hold in an outstretched gesture…..
Most of the times I can get past the feelings that I internalise from the words and expectations of others and at other times the overflow into my minds here and now overflows into my attitudes holding yard… and what shows up in the place of my outstretched hand of giving is a traveling stone of rolling resentment and displacement….
Most of the time I am able to take a few days of solitude or minimal contact with others and alter my own attitude by keeping my mind busy on other areas if focus… but then there are other times when my attitude shakes it’s self-free and has an insatiable need to just run away….
At this very moment I have the biggest need to dig my heels in… spin some rubber… and burn away at my paved road beneath me… I’m feeling slightly overwhelmed and pushed into a place in my mind that has me screaming for a breath of fresh air…
“Querencia” my go-to place… the place where I am at ease… a place that I feel safe in, and the place that I call home…. is currently living a virtual existence in my mind… someday my “Querencia” will have a real existence and an address of its own.
So there it is… my today’s daily writing “Word Of The Day – Querencia…” meaning a place you always can come back to, the place you are safe, your home. “Someday but not today Querencia will be mine.”
“Querencia” and what it is & means to me.. well I have been working hard at finding my own centre, learning the selfless act of finding my own space, my own calmness and my place where I can happily exist and belong…
I have always known that my happy place is in my writing mind; I have known that in my toughest of writing days that writing for me is the world that serves me in becoming the me that exists in my happy scribbling’s..
“Querencia” for me is my writing; the place that I feel safe, my sanctuary.. my minds home… the place where strength is drawn, where I feel that can be the best me that I can be; my writing is the very place that I feel I am my most authentic self.
” What A Difference A Year Makes “
Written & Referenced Where Applicable By
Author. Tanya Kelly