Day #40 – Spurred On By An Ms Meme

Today’s daily write has been spurred on by a Multiple Sclerosis meme that I saw this morning on my daily read of what I affectionately call “the newspaper- i.e. Facebook.”

The meme reads –
“It’s weird, but M.S. can help you appreciate THINGS what you ONCE OVERLOOKED“

This Meme was founded at a Facebook page titled “MS Memes and more Multiple Sclerosis Information” https://m.facebook.com/msmemesandmore

Well, this meme got me thinking & I just had to rewrite this meme to suit my own Ms Story and my outlook on my life.

So my rewrite of the above meme is this…

“My M.S diagnosis has taught me lessons that I didn’t see coming… I have seen my true worth through the eyes and actions of others and I have seen how my inabilities make others truly feel.

I have never overlooked the behaviours of others but I see things a hell of a lot clearer now that they have revealed their true & selves.

I know my worth in the actions of those who walk beside me without judgement… choosing to see me for whom I have always been & I have seen those who have made the choice to walk along in the far off distance either by judgment or by choice… & who in these communities who it is that I can trust… those who aren’t with me; I know that I should let them be alone to question their own mind & self.”

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In our everyday happenings, we become acceptable of behaviours that are placed upon us in varying degrees of acceptance and non-acceptance.

There are times that pass by us when we are in allowance of other people’s opinions and their thinking thoughts that they have about us, but I believe that in time where illness and struggles knock on our door… I believe that we find out who was truly there for us and who never truly has been.

I have learned that my Multiple Sclerosis acceptance isn’t about me learning about my life that is limited by my daily symptoms… it is about how others feel that I should see myself in and through the eyes of themselves.

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Let me put my thoughts to you as clear and as simply as I can… “I do not overlook the
actions and or talkings of others… and I do not accept the behaviours and or actions of other people either… but what I do do is… I acknowledge that it is human nature for people to live in question of others.

I have made my choice to see that people who have no place for me in their world- in full acceptance of my Ms diagnosis and my day to day limitations are part of my past that I simply was ok to live in their yesterday’s ignorance’s but today I am not.”

Friends will come and others will pass by, people that we hold dear and close to our heart will push us to the limits of our very core – the struggles associated will in time pass, but the length of time and longingness for the familiar voices will never leave but this too is a symptom of the Ms illness that only the one living with it can see.

I take pride in myself when I tell you that I try with all my might to live without judgement of others. Physical characteristics are only just a covering to who people are… I know what judgement feels like so I choose to live my life giving what I can to other allowing them the room to teach me about their life.

“I want to make it clear that I make no apologies for who it is that people perceive me to be… I live my life in a world of pain from the time the sun rises till the very moment that the night gives into the morning’s dawn…. the energy that it takes up explaining why it is that my body and mind need moments of the days to turn off and seek rest … overwhelms me at a far greater pace than the actual Ms symptoms.”

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I am ever so impressed by someone who comes to me asking questions to help in educating themselves… these very people are the energy that takes away the ignorance of humankind and replaces it with an open mind.

I didn’t want to become a member of the “Multiple Sclerosis Warriors Club” but let the truth be told that like any other illness sufferer I just want to treated as you have always treated me. Yell at me when you are mad at me … hug me when you have moments to celebrate me … and most importantly let me be if you cannot accept me and my wheelchair that has replaced my walking feet.

People with Ms are normal people with a box of lucky dips to choose from… each day is unique & no two days are the same… and what you may see in people with Multiple Sclerosis as laziness is to us a moment, a day, or a week where Ms has us by the heartstrings kicking our ass.

For me & “My Story” (My Ms Diagnosis’s Name) our object in life Is to run an untimed gauntlet… Jump through all the hurdles… stacking it from time to time. Incurring painful penalties… for taking on the chore list that we go through every day. There nothing could be worse; than the miscommunications between the body & the brain. For me and “My Story.”

All that there is left to do is Run this bloody gauntlet Listening to our cheers squad Screaming “My Story” Will Not Beat Me…. & Never Will I Give Up!

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What Ms has done and is doing to me is surely a humanitarian crime…

I have come full circle with my Ms diagnosis… I don’t hide behind it … and work hard at maintaining my life and the things/people that I want in it… I own my shit and under very difficult life-altering circumstances I get up every day to do what needs to be done… and whilst some days are harder than others to muster up the energy to meet the day… I drag my ass out of bed at 7 am most days.

I keep myself either physically busy…(chores or things around the house), or mentally busy (writing, blogging, designing… tutoring or fixing a computer)… I try with all my might to keep my daily workload and a rate and level that works with my daily fatigue levels.

People cannot get how truly see how exhausting the fatigue level is and can get. A simple shower can take me hours to recover from… standing to do the dishes (piled high from no one wanting to do them or even from the weekends visiting hours) can leave me limping and pained for hours to days at a go…

My MS is doing its bit right now to lessen my tolerance of others… I am short-fused at the hand of other people’s opinions… and repetitive behaviours are doing my head in… & I know that my Ms symptoms have taken on a different persona… simple tasks like shaving my legs or putting on my shoes can take me two to three time longer than usual.

Here it is the business end of 2018 and I cannot remember the last time that I had a
great day… a day without pain meds… or even a day without a new bruise… my wardrobe gets friendly with me and likes to get in my face… door handles are my favourite they are like magnets to my arms.

“My Story” my companion Thinks he is the teacher What he isn’t aware of is that I have come stronger in my mind… I now know that it’s my job to teach him… how to live with me. I am living with “My Story” But “My Story will never get hold of me.

But through all that you have read here, the one thing that I hope you take away from this my daily blog post is that “Struggle” is my middle name.

I have learned to embrace my limitations, my struggles and even “My Story” thinking that he has one over me… but I ask you as my readers to see me for who I am… no labels and no Ms diagnosis or even for the attitude that has grown quite a voice… I am nobody different than I was yesterday… when I walked beside you shoulder to shoulder.

Today daily blog post titled “Spurred On By An Ms Meme” – Reads – “It’s weird, but M.S. can help you appreciate THINGS what you ONCE OVERLOOKED“

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Signed
Author. Tanya Kelly
365daysomethings.wordpress.com
Copyrighted By Tanya Kelly. 2018